Good morning Tall fans!
Allow me to present some choice answers from my latest round of exams for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.
Mind the gap:
Here are some of the best 'gap fill' answers that turned up on the papers.
I'm writing an email in my wife
"Where does Cristiano Ronaldo come on ?" - many women I imagine.
Super Mario be over thing and he eat up mushrooms. - "Oi Luigi, you get me bruv?
Don't eat the cake, it is over my son
Predict what your life will be like in fifteen years:
"In 2073 I will be flying car"
whoooaahh, some questions . . .
2073? That's not even in 50 years, and you want to transform into a flying car???
I didn't realise Optimus Prime was in one of my classes.
Of course, most of the students replied that they would be working as a nurse with children and a family. Almost all of them added that Aliens would run the earth, or that we would have flying cars.
The few students that mentioned travel, wanted to visit Paris. It is indeed a beautiful city, but that is like a slap in the face for an English English teacher. Err hello, there are 300,000 French people in London, why not just go there? Who wants to drink beer out of those tiny bottles anyway?
Write about the future ambitions of the following people:
A football fan - He wants to watch football.
- We hope Mexico stop being the bad.
A student - Would like to stop exam
- Hopes to pass exam. Yes teacher, come on ;)
A dog - would like to have a dog.
This student either wants a dog, or has an amazing sense of humour. A Poodle walking its pet Chihuahua, whatever next?
- would like to travel with Lady Gaga
Write these verbs in the past simple tense:
Shut - Shit. That's right folks, shit your mouths now!
Pay - Pie. Pie me now please
Speak - speakering
Forget - furgettled
Remember - Rememberated. Well rememberated guys.
Describe the woman in the picture: (a nurse holding a clipboard)
He has a long hair and enormous hands
She have a very beautiful uniform. (It was plain blue scrubs)
There is a stethoscopo in her arm. Robonurse to the rescue!
It have circular head.
She needs a boyfriend. Ha ha, well played.
Now write three questions to the nurse:
1. "Excuse me, help me?"
2. "Do you like be nursy?
3. "Do you have a boyfriend?" - well played again Sir.
For those who don't know, Miguel Hidalgo lead the independence movement and is probably the most famous Mexican. I asked to students to write three sentences about his life to demonstrate the past simple. Here's what I got.
Hidalgo did drive around his horse.
He was "padre del movimiento de la independencia"
He not had no hairs. I believe he was a folically challenged gentleman of the cloth.
Miguel Hidalgo was not the bat man. No, he was a fat bald priest. Does that make Peña Nieto the Joker?
He didn't play the football. Maybe he had a weekly kickabout with some Franciscan monks over in Morelios, we'll never know.
|Fash is now the host of Deal or |
No Deal in Nigeria. Awesome.
Miguel Hidalgo -
Miguel Hidalgo -
Miguel Hidalgo -
It reminded me of the John Fashanu joke on The Day Today.
Other miscellaneous hilarity ensued when students answered the final question on what they find difficult about learning English:
My difficult in English is learn and "entender" (understand)
One confident chap wrote "It's not, I found the exam very easy"
Another student simply wrote "Because . . ." which tickled me enough to give them one mark out of five.
When asked to write a fraction that is more than a half, many students wrote 2/4.
So close, and yet so far.
"one divided by four as a decimal" threw up some fascinating answers:
the square root of 0.555,
and most confusingly 2.852% 0.543
"Write a date from this year" turned up 18/11/2014, 29th February 2013 and "my birthdate"
I'm surprised that the nutrition student infatuated with the description task picture didn't ask for "a date with the nurse!"
The students need an average of 6/10 to pass the course which is split over two evaluations. When I gave some of them the bad news such as you got 5/10 and they quickly asked, "Sooooo what do I need to pass next time?"
"A better understanding of the principles of mathematics" I replied.